Giving thanks for sales
The Fortnight That Wasn't
MILLIONS OF Americans celebrated Thanksgiving by forgoing the traditional turkey meal with friends and family and lining up early outside of malls for Black Friday sales. A spokesperson for the nation's retailers said the industry was thrilled by the turnout. "Having already effectively ruined the spirit of Christmas, we're pleased at our success this year in our new campaign to undermine the meaning of Thanksgiving."
With the Iowa caucuses just over a month away, the Democratic presidential candidates hastily began focusing their attention on domestic economic issues after disturbing news emerged that the war in Iraq may be going well for the United States.
New polls showed that voters ranked Hillary Clinton lowest of all candidates in terms of "honesty." Clinton said there had to be some sort of mistake. "They're obviously confusing me with my husband," she told reporters.
Meanwhile, John Edwards unveiled a website, PlantsForHillary.com, which mocked Clinton's use of staged questions during campaign events. Edwards's strategists said they could have been spending their time improving the former senator's healthcare plan, but that it was a lot easier to taunt other candidates than deal with hard policy issues.
On the Republican side of the presidential race, Mitt Romney came under attack for appointing as a judge a woman who had 18 years of experience as a prosecutor while Rudy Giuliani was criticized for befriending Bernard Kerik even though he didn't know that Kerik was allegedly corrupt. Romney said that he would make sure any future judicial appointments had at least 19 years of prosecutorial experience while Giuliani vowed never to be friends with anyone again. Analysts were dubious about Romney's promise but felt certain Giuliani could keep his.
Hopes for a breakthrough in the Iraq war rose briefly after Vice President Dick Cheney was hospitalized for heart irregularities, but faded when he was released three hours later.
US education officials said they were unworried by a Boston College study showing reading skills for the nation's fourth graders falling even further behind those of children from other countries. "America is the land of opportunity," said a spokesperson. "And just because you're a bad reader doesn't mean you can't achieve whatever you want - heck, you can even become president."
The cruise ship Explorer struck an iceberg in the Antarctic and sank. Rescue workers said they had been able to save all 150 people on board, and discounted reports that one young man, supposedly an artist and drifter, died in the frigid waters while holding hands with a 17-year-old female passenger who had been traveling in first class.
As the writers' strike entered its fourth week, entertainment-starved television viewers turned their attention to the news, only to find reruns of the California wildfires and the O.J. Simpson trial.
Pop singer Neil Diamond revealed that his love song "Sweet Caroline" was inspired by picture he saw of 12-year-old Caroline Kennedy sitting on a horse. Massachusetts public safety officials said it was still OK for the Red Sox to play the song during home games but added they thought Diamond might need to register as a sex offender.
Boston police announced a program to search homes without warrants. City officials said protests by the ACLU to the plan were ridiculous since homes would only be searched if occupants gave their permission. "Of course, if they don't let us in, that's probably good enough for us to get a warrant," said a department spokesperson, who added that the program had been carefully crafted to target only poor, minority neighborhoods that would be too intimidated to object anyway.
Referenda questions to repeal the Bay State's income tax and decriminalize marijuana collected enough signatures to appear on the 2008 ballot. Although the tax question would slash state revenues - wiping out spending on schools, infrastructure, and human services - proponents said that shouldn't be a concern since by then everyone would be too high to notice.
And finally, the nation lampooned Massachusetts for a proposed law that would ban corporal punishment of children. "What's next?" asked one parent. "If I can't hit my kids, then I'll have to kick the dog. Are they going to ban that, too?"
Published on December 2, 2007. "The Fortnight That Wasn't" appears every other week on the op-ed page of The Boston Sunday Globe.
