Dam It

News item--Governor Romney is ordering the emergency inspection of more than 180 dams across the state that have been deemed "high hazard dams." Among the dams that will be inspected are two in Chicopee described as being in "unsafe condition," and 38 others across the state in "poor condition."

Excerpts from the Governor’s press conference follow:

Romney: Thank you for attending today’s dam press conference. As you know, we are facing a dam difficult situation in the Commonwealth. Our dam infrastructure is falling apart. It’s my dam responsibility to ensure that our dammed towns stay dammed and I intend to do just that. Aside from the dam inspections you’ve heard about, I’m ordering every dam worker in the Commonwealth to stand ready in assisting with whatever dam repairs we may need. I vow that I will not rest until I resolve this dam crisis, even if it means I personally have to go out to some dam failure and dam it myself.

 Q: You would dam it yourself?

Romney: Dam it if I have to -- or at least do whatever I can to plug up the dam holes.

Q: Will the state build new dams if necessary?

Romney: I don’t think the state should give a dam. This isn’t dam charity we’re talking about. We expect local towns and cities to put their own dam money up as well, perhaps a 50/50 dam split.

Q: Governor, is this situation simply a result of the rainfall -- an Act of God if you will -- or is the state responsible?

Romney: What do you mean, God dammed the state, so it’s God’s dam problem? I don’t think it’s a God dam problem. We dammed the state, so it’s our dam problem. We built these dam things and for too long we’ve ignored the dam deterioration in our midst. I blame previous dam administrations. You know, it’s been easy for people to slough off these dam problems, saying it’s not their dam responsibility or someone else’s dam fault. My pledge to you from this day forward is to change that kind of dam thinking, not only for this dam state but also for the dam nation.

Q: Governor, I’ve noticed you’ve been saying “dam” a lot in this press conference. Given your well known refusal to curse, does this mark a change in your use of language?

Romney: Shit no.