Crony Crisis

Staff at all levels of the administration of George W. Bush today protested the President’s nomination of Ben Bernanke to chair the Federal Reserve.

“Bernanke’s education and experience clearly mark this as a merit-based appointment,” said Ayhm Pedestrian, chief of Audit Compliance at FannieMae and a spokesman for Hirees and Cronies Kollected, an ad hoc group of White House appointees that met yesterday with reporters. “For five years it’s been who you know, not what do you know, that’s guided the hiring process. Bernanke’s selection is a sharp and unwelcome departure from this practice.”

White House staff had been heartened by high-profile crony appointments such as Michael Brown, the former head of FEMA, and the recent nomination of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court.

“What I fear we’re seeing now, however, is a President who is abandoning his principles,” said Sue Lowe, assistant secretary for Color Changes at the Department of Homeland Security. “Under a constant drumbeat of criticism from the liberal media, he’s caving, backing off from his consistent support of mediocrity.”

Other administration staffers were more sanguine.  “Sometimes the President has to throw a bone,” said one, “but we take comfort in the fact that there are still thousands of us -- untalented, disengaged and unmotivated -- at all levels of the federal government. That’s not going to change any time soon.”

“In fact,” noted another, “the President himself is really one of us. As long as he remains in office, we’ll be fine”