Airborne Founder Starts New Company

Victoria Knight-McDowell, the second-grade teacher who invented the popular Airborne cold remedy, announced today a new company that will market goods designed by individuals with no competence whatsoever in their chosen product line.

Among the products to be featured by the new company will be a reading curriculum designed by linebacker for a professional football team, a computer operating system created by a professor in 18th century literature and a set of surround sound speakers built by a dentist.

“None of them knows anything about these products,” Knight-McDowell said. “Our linebacker, in fact, is semi-illiterate and the dentist is deaf.  But as Airborne has proved, a few celebrity endorsements and the public will buy anything.”

Aside from products, Knight-McDowell’s new company will offer services as well.  “We’d like to have auto mechanics handle complex international currency transfers,” she said. “And we’re hoping we can get Donald Rumsfeld to help countries plan wars.”

Knight-McDowell plans to bring the company public immediately through an IPO to be managed by Dunkin' Donuts.