Dull, gray, white males seek new gubernatorial candidate

Worried about the electoral prospects of gubernatorial candidate Thomas Reilly, state Democrats are reaching out to businessman Christopher Gabrieli as their new dull, gray, white, male standard-bearer.

Reilly, the Commonwealth’s attorney general, has seen his campaign falter in recent weeks after a series of political missteps. With Deval Patrick, a young African-American, in the Democratic primary and Kerry Healey, a woman, the likely Republican nominee, many dull, gray, white, male Party regulars began to think they needed a new champion for their interests. Gabrieli, who at one point was to become Reilly’s running mate until worries surfaced that the two might be indistinguishable, seemed a logical alternative. “Chris would be a perfect replacement for Tom Reilly,” said one dull, gray, white, male Party regular. “We suspect many voters wouldn’t even be aware of the substitution.”

Indeed, Gabrieli appears to have all of the qualifications that originally made Reilly’s candidacy so appealing.  Both are white males with gray hair. Each cultivates an image of studied seriousness and sobriety. Neither man is particularly photogenic or dynamic; the politics of both are centrist and designed to appeal to suburban voters. Each has identified specific issues that appear to break ranks with special interests while at the same time maintaining a general political posture that is reassuring to the Party establishment. As attorney general, Reilly has strong statewide name recognition and has managed to raise a campaign war chest of close to $4 million. But as a former nominee for lieutenant governor, Gabrieli too is well known and his personal wealth assures that his campaign would be at least as well funded as Reilly's.

"We’re excited about Chris’s candidacy,” said another dull, gray, white, male Party regular.  “Well, not actually excited, of course, but you know what I mean.”