Bird Flu Fears Renew Feed or Starve Debate

Worldwide fears of an avian flu epidemic have provoked new debate among scientists over competing theories about whether one should “feed a cold” or “starve a fever.”

Public health officials backing the latter theory recently reported remarkable success in controlled experiments where birds were fed neither food nor water for a 60-day period.  “At the end of the two months,” reported the team of researchers who led the experiment, “None of the birds evidenced any sign of the flu.” According to the scientists, all of the birds in the experimental group were inert, with no  fever, nausea or other symptoms commonly associated with the disease. Applying these findings to real world circumstances, the researchers said, would require a concerted international effort to deny all form of nutrients to birds everywhere.  “It is an admittedly difficult task,” they conceded, “But if we successfully starve all birds, we have little doubt that avian flu itself will be eliminated.”

Meanwhile, proponents of the “feed a cold” theory point to recent research that appears to support their argument that high rates of consumption can work to reduce the disease’s spread.  In their own controlled experiments, birds force-fed a variety of high-calorie and high-fat foods became so obese that their ability to move, much less fly, was sharply reduced. The effect was to render the birds virtually immobile.  Although the obese birds did develop flu, the scientists said, the fact that they couldn’t move meant they did not infect other birds -- or other species, such as humans -- with the disease. The “feed a cold” scientists have consequently recommended a public health strategy that is almost exactly the opposite of that supported by “starve a fever,” saying that vast amounts of fatty foods be placed in locations birds frequent. Pointing to the recent successes fast food restaurants have had in dramatically increasing human obesity, they suggest that world governments joint venture with fast food vendors such as McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King.

Despite the two camps’ dirvergent approaches, they appear to agree on one thing: Current feeding patterns need to be changed. “If we continue to allow birds to eat as they have for millennia,” said one scientist, “We’ll just get more and more of them flying everywhere. Overfeed them, or don’t feed them at all: Doing either is better than doing nothing at all.”