The Week in Review

Another wave of demonstrations by immigrants seeking the right to work swept the nation on Monday, with millions marching in cities from Boston to San Diego. Not to be outdone, French students held their own round of demonstrations protesting a French law that would make it easier for them to find work.  Noting the disparity, lawmakers from both countries proposed a grand compromise that would swap illegal US immigrants with French students, with the immigrants ending up in France and the students in the US.  American companies could then outsource their work to France while the French students could travel the fifty states criticizing American culture.

Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney kicked off his presidential run Wednesday at historic Faneuil Hall when he signed the state’s landmark universal health insurance law while simultaneously vetoing provisions raising funds to pay for the expanded coverage. Romney said his position reflected his desire to bridge the gulf between the two political parties.  “Democrats want to tax and spend; Republicans want to cut and cut. As President, I plan to combine the best of both,” he said.

Meanwhile, the four multi-millionaires running to succeed Romney announced this week that they would refuse to release their federal and state income tax returns.  “They’re very complicated, with lots of big numbers, and we’re afraid they would just confuse voters,” said a spokesman for the group. “We’d rather people just paid attention to our glossy ads.”

Scientists this week were excited when the European Space Agency released exceptionally clear and revealing photographs of Venus. Taken from sophisticated cameras aboard the spacecraft “Venus Express,” many were startled by some of the details shown in the never-before-seen views. “Venus is so hot,” said one scientist, “And look, in this shot you can see she really does have two arms.”

The Christian Science Church -- beset by falling revenues and declining membership -- announced it was laying off 40 percent of its staff, halving its $190 million budget, and leasing out two buildings at its Boston headquarters. “The basic problem,” a Church spokesman said, “is people have finally figured out that when you’re sick it really does make sense to go to a doctor.”

In entertainment, actress Charlize Theron announced on television that she would not marry boyfriend Stuart Townsend until gays and lesbians throughout the United States also have the right to get married. In a striking display of solidarity, unwed fathers of illegitimate children across the country announced that they too would refuse to get married and – taking their principled stand one step more – would withhold child support as well. At the same time, in what appeared to be the beginning of an escalating stand-off, gays and lesbians in Massachusetts announced that they would stop getting married until Theron and Townsend tie the knot.

In sports, Accenture announced immediately after the 2006 Masters Golf Tournament that it was changing its company's advertising slogan to, “Go on, be a Phil.” Meanwhile, former Master’s winner Tiger Woods apologized for saying he was playing like a “spaz” during the tournament. “Sometimes I’m just such a retard,” Woods said in making his apology.

The Red Sox played their first home game on Tuesday, prompting the usual concerns about traffic overwhelming the tightly packed Fenway area.  At the same time, city officials were outraged at reports that some parking lots were charging $90 to park for the game.  “With rates like that, people might be forced to take public transportation,” said one city councilor.

Finally, in business, cell phone manufacturers, encouraged by the positive response to camera-phones and GPS-enabled phones, unveiled a new line of combination products.  Samsung’s “FaceFone” will include a “full-featured telephone as well as a compact make-up kit,” said the company in a press release. Motorola simultaneously announced the “MicroPhone” which, in addition to allowing users to communicate, has a built-in microwave oven to allow hungry consumers to prepare quick meals while on the go.