Prosecutor: Your Honor, at this time the State calls the accused, Jesus Christ, as the prosecution's next witness.
Judge: Very well. Mr. Christ, please come to the front of the court and take a seat. (He sits.) Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Jesus Christ: Of course.
Judge: Proceed.
Prosecutor: Could you describe for the court the incident that occurred on December 8, 2006?
Jesus Christ: I was walking along a street when I saw a Canaanite woman lying by the side of the road...
Prosecutor: A Canaanite? A foreigner?
Jesus Christ: I imagine so. In any event, she seemed in great pain so I went over to her and asked what was the matter. She was hungry and cold, so I offered her a blanket and gave her some bread and fishes I happened to have left over from a speech I gave earlier...
Prosecutor: I can't believe I'm hearing this. You gave her a blanket and some food?
Jesus Christ: That’s right.
Prosecutor: Knowing she was a Canaanite. Knowing she wasn’t an American. And you gave her a blanket and some food?
Jesus Christ: She seemed in distress. It was the least I could do...
Prosecutor: Your Honor!
Judge: Mr. Christ, I need to warn you. You're very close to incriminating yourself.
Jesus Christ: But all I did was help a fellow human being, something any decent person would do.
Judge: That's it. I’m afraid you leave me no choice. The federal immigration law passed last summer makes it a criminal offense to provide any assistance whatsoever to an illegal immigrant. The penalty for violating the law is a year in prison. And under oath you have just admitted you violated that law.
Jesus Christ: But your Honor.
Judge: Look, I’m sorry. I’ve been a big fan of your work. That miracle with the water and wine -- how did you do that? It still leaves me amazed. But you’re going to have to understand, mister, we’re a nation of laws. Just because you have a few tricks up your sleeve doesn’t make you somehow exempt. I mean, imagine what would happen if everyone started behaving like you. (He shakes his head.) Bailiff! Hand this man over for incarceration...