Harvard Tuition to Rise Significantly

The cost of attending Harvard University will be $1,249,999.99 for the 2006/2007 academic year, a whopping 2,763 percent increase over the current level of $43,655. The amount includes tuition, room, board, and mandatory fees.

University administrators said they expected that only perhaps “a dozen or so” families would be able to afford the new tuition and that most students would be on some form of financial aid.

“This really is the logical conclusion of a strategy we began several years ago,” said a University spokeswoman, “Where we admit students from all economic backgrounds and look to those of wealthier means to cross subsidize everyone else.” Right now, for example, all students from families making under $60,000 can attend Harvard under full scholarship.  “Next year we expect the cut-off to rise to an income level of $900,000,” said the spokeswoman, meaning that in excess of 98 percent of the student body will be receiving aid.

Aside from outright grants, the aid packages will include low interest loans and work-study programs.  The University is still struggling to find appropriate work-study jobs since most of those currently held by students pay under $10 an hour.  “We’re hoping to find positions -- such as professional athletics, rock stardom and movie acting -- that will allow our students to earn enough to make a meaningful contribution to their education,” the spokeswoman said.

In addition, the University’s student loan program will be secured by a requirement that graduates enter into lucrative fields such as medicine, law, or investment banking.  “Needless to say,” added the spokeswoman, “We’ll be less than thrilled to accept applicants who plan to go into government service or social work.  If that’s what you want to do with your life, then we’d encourage you to apply to Yale.”