The Gospel of Judas

Hello, my name is Judas Iscariot and I was one of the thirteen apostles. In fact…I was the president of the apostles! President! Yeah! That's the ticket!

For years, I followed Jesus everywhere. We were friends.  In fact, we were best friends. Sure! And he relied upon me for everything. I was there when he did all of his miracles … in fact, I assisted him with the miracles. Sometimes when he was tired, I’d, I’d -- uh -- I’d do them myself! Yeah, that's it!

After a while, the Romans started to get angry with Jesus so they came to me because I was the weakest -- I mean, closest to Jesus. I said sure, no problem, just don't hurt me -- I mean, I said, of course not, never. But then Jesus, he told me that he … uh … he wanted to die. Yeah, that’s it! He said he wanted to die and as his betray- … best friend he needed me to make it happen. So I went back to the Romans and they offered me thirty … three hundred pieces of silver. Yeah! That night we’re at supper and Jesus is handing out bread and wine … I mean, I’m handing out bread and wine and he says, “Do this in remembrance of me … er, Judas, in remembrance of Judas.” Yeah, that’s what happened!

And then, later on he says, “I tell you the truth, one of you will betray me -- uh, be loyal to me.” Yeah, loyal!  So everyone is looking around, wondering who it is and he winks at me and says, “Dip your hand into this bowl with me,” to show everyone that I was his best friend and I did and they all despised -- uh, were envious of me. Sure!

So I left and later on saw him in the Garden and he looked so upset … uh, happy to see me! Yeahhh! I gave him a kiss on the cheek -- and a hug too! Sure! Then the Romans came and took him and led him out … but he gave me a big thumbs up as he left! Yeah!

And then the next day he died and I took it hard. Maybe too hard -- I tried to kill myself. Yeahh… I did kill myself! Sure! I was medically dead for a week and a half! Maybe longer.

Oh, you'd be surprised how connected Jesus and I were -- like brothers, sure! -- and it made everyone so resentful. In fact, he told me it would be better for me if I had not been born they’d be so jealous. But I wrote everything down and that's why now, I -- I’m in the New York Times and I even have my picture on the cover of National Enqui … Geographic magazine. Yeah. Every day! Yeah, that's the ticket! Yeah, you betcha!