Baby Names

Eltham (walking into a restaurant): Hey Aldie, Opequon, and Shiloh. Who else has shown up?

Opequon: Darbytown’s in the bathroom and Rappahannock just went to get a drink.  Philippi and Canifex should be arriving any minute.

Eltham: Great. (to Shiloh) So, you arranged this get-together.  What’s the big surprise?

Shiloh: I’m pregnant! Namozine and I are going to have a baby! In August!

Everyone: Wow!

Aldie: Brad and Angelina -- I mean, your Mom and Dad -- must be thrilled.

Shiloh: Oh, yeah. We were having dinner with Trevilian, Staunton and Wauhatchie and they came in and I told them.  They’re already thinking up names. Murfreesborough, Donelson, Sumter…

Opequon: Chustenahlah, Gettysburg, Buffington … there’re just so many possibilities.

Aldie: How about Chusto-Talasah, Killdeer, Averasborough?

Eltham: Or Glasgow, Byram or Chickasaw?

Shiloh: Yeah, but we were kind of thinking of …

Opequon: Antietam? Paducah?

Shiloh (tentatively): Well, if it’s a girl we were thinking Mary, or perhaps John for a boy.

Aldie: You mean, like short for Marietta or Johnsonville.

Shiloh: No.  Just Mary or John.

Aldie: What kind of names are those?

Eltham: Yeah, they’re new to me.

Shiloh: That’s what makes them so neat. They’re not your typical Totopotomy, Dandridge, or Hampton. They’re different -- they're old-fashioned names like Bill or Sally or Cindy.

Opequon:  I hope you haven’t told this to your parents.

Aldie: It just seems so irresponsible. And think of your poor kid, being mocked and teased at school, just for not being named after a Civil War battle.

Eltham: There really ought to be a law….