Global warming part of regular pattern, scientists say

As oppressively hot weather blanketed much of the country, a panel of climatologists warned that, far from being unprecedented, the extreme high temperatures are part of a regular cycle of global warming that can be traced far back into Earth’s history.

“Data from geological records and archeological digs suggests that the planet has experienced a regular pattern of global warming and cooling,” the climatologists said. “At their most extreme, temperatures climb to 90 degrees Fahrenheit and even into the 100s, staying that way for a sustained period of time.” According to the scientists, the last period of global warming occurred approximately 365 days ago and lasted for about three months. It was then followed by a period of global cooling that the climatologists said resembled a mini-Ice Age.

The scientists described a bleak scenario where high temperatures are followed by dramatically cooler weather, wreaking havoc on indigenous plant and animal life.  “During the last cycle, many plants died off, for example.  Even the hardiest of trees were affected, with most losing their ability to photosynthesize.” As the cycle proceeded, the scientists continued, temperatures dropped even further, with frozen water covering much of the Northern Hemisphere.  “And then things changed again,” they continued, “with temperatures starting to climb to unbearably high levels.” The warming and cooling cycles are bound to cause enormous stress to the Earth, the scientists cautioned. “We’re not sure how long this can go on without the whole planet just falling apart,” they added.