Pluto No Longer a Dog

The Walt Disney Corporation declared today that Pluto is no longer a dog, downgrading its status to a two-dimensional cartoon character.

Pluto first appeared in 1930 as a sidekick to Mickey Mouse in the cartoon “The Chain Gang.” Originally named Rover, the character did not speak, instead uttering memorable lines such as “Grrr ...” “Snort!” “Sniff, sniff, sniff ...” and “Bark! Bark!” By not anthropomorphizing the character, Disney executives believed they could credibly claim it to be a real canine.  Although some cartoon scientists disagreed, saying Pluto bore little resemblance to actual dogs, most accepted Disney’s assertion and did not object to the company’s characterization.

Over time, however, the discovery of other cartoon dogs posed new difficulties. Characters such as The Jetson’s Astro (“Ruh-ro!” and “Right, Reorge!”) and Scooby-Doo (“Rooby Dooby Doo”) were only partially anthropomorphized, raising questions as to whether an inability to speak should be the defining trait of a dog. If not, cartoon scientists said, the definition of what makes a dog a dog might become so broad that virtually any character -- even one not possessing typical canine characteristics -- could be termed a dog.  The controversy reached its height during a Cartoon Scientists Convention last year when one panelist famously asked, “If Odie is a dog, then why not Hello Kitty?”

“We realize our decision will disappoint some,” said a Disney spokesman. “But from now on, if you want to be a dog, you’ll need fleas, bad breath and have to be taken outside to do your business.  Otherwise, you won’t make the cut.”