Sticky press conference

G: As you know, several days ago I used the term “tar baby” when describing the situation with the Big Dig to an audience in Iowa.  My use of that expression was inadvertent and, if I gave offense, I’d like to apologize.

Q:  Governor, some have said your use of the term means you’re a closet racist.

G: You know, that really gets my Irish up and I’d like to Scotch that Trash right away.  I’d don’t know which Blackhearts are Jabbering that -- and the Crackers would probably need some Dutch courage to face me – but there’s no Chink in my armor.

Q: What do you say to those who claim you’re insensitive to the plight of minorities?

G: Look Mac, I don’t mean to go Kamikaze on you, but you must think I’m some sort of Cheeseheaded, 51st Stater Border Bunny. Pardon my French, but there’s not a Chinaman’s Chance of my getting Spooked by that kind of Yellow talk.

Q: When the story first broke, what kind of reaction did you get from your donors?

G: The Bubbas here didn’t Welsh on their commitment; they’re not Skinflints trying to Gyp me. Oh, sure, there’re always a few Snake Charmers who Harp on every little Nit -- giving things a wrong Slant, Nipping at your heels saying the Jig is up, convicting me in sort of Kangaroo court. As far as I’m concerned, they can put those Philistines in the Paddy Wagon and send them off to the Boogie Man.

Q: Any final thoughts, Governor?

G: I try to be Spic and Span when I speak, but the Skinny on the Limey language is that it’s easy to Muck up and sometimes can leave you Slackjawed, tied up in a Pretzel looking like a Baboon and feeling like a Pigmy Dough Boy. Hey, I'm only human.