Shortly after conceding defeat in the Massachusetts Democratic gubernatorial primary, businessman Christopher Gabrieli announced he intends to run for US Senator.
“I lost for Congress in 1998, I lost for Lieutenant Governor in 2002 and I lost for Governor in 2006,” Gabrieli said, “Now it’s time to lose again!”
Speaking before a crowd of thousands of cheering consultants specializing in direct mail, polling, opposition research, television and radio advertising production, GOTV, printing, campaign law compliance, signature gathering, message development, advertising placement, focus groups, voter database management, website design, voter targeting, media relations, and speech writing, Gabrieli vowed to spend more of his own money on the senatorial race than has ever been spent before.
“That makes me feel real good,” said one expert in email broadcast services. “Of all of the politicians I’ve ever met, Chris Gabrieli best understand the needs of the political consultant community. With Tuesday’s loss, I feared I might have to go on underemployment or even find a regular job. But he cares about us and, as long as his checks don’t bounce, I’ll continue to care about him.”