Why the long faces? “No, be happy.”
I don’t think I ever saw more than a couple of minutes go by without a smile on my father’s face, a gleam in his eye, a quick laugh. We went to many funerals with Sir and he would tell us, this isn’t a sad time. Celebrate. Take joy. Remember all that was good.
So let’s do that.
It was 1924. Michael and Mary Keane – her maiden name was Ward -- were living in Claremorris in County Mayo, Ireland. That’s where my father – Thomas Michael Keane -- was conceived. “I want this baby to be born under the Stars and Stripes,” said Mary, and so the Keanes packed up and left – mother and father, and their four children, Martin, Mary, Kathleen and Peggy -- settling in Hartford, Connecticut. It was not an easy life. A sixth child, Ronnie, was born and then, when my father was just age three, his mother died of breast cancer. That left Michael, a greenskeeper at the Hartford Country Club, with five children under the age of seven. The family lived in a cold-water flat on Andover Street, the younger kids cared for by the older.
They could have bemoaned their lives, I suppose, but instead the lessons my father learned from these times were that family matters, that we help each other, and that there is interest, fun, and at least a good tale to be told in even the most adverse circumstances.
After high school, at just 17 and with war raging, Dad joined the United States Army, a Private First Class serving as an MP in England and France. That made him a member of what Tom Brokaw would later call the “Greatest Generation.” While he was overseas he learned that his father passed away; he never had the opportunity to say goodbye. He rarely talked about his time in service; the best we could get out of him was a comic anecdote about lifting some eggs from a countryside henhouse. But in fact his career in the military was quite distinguished. As some of his children know all too well, Dad had a condition called strabismus (one of the rare gifts from him we could just as soon have foregone), a condition that left him nearly blind in one eye. Nevertheless, he took the tests and qualified as a Rifle and Pistol Sharpshooter. And he served with honor. He received the World War II Victory Medal, the American Campaign Medal, the European-African-Middle Eastern Campaign Medal, and even – and apparently despite the incident with the chickens -- a Good Conduct medal.
After the war and thanks to the GI Bill, in 1950 Dad received his undergraduate degree in zoology from the University of Connecticut. For a while he entertained thoughts of becoming a veterinarian, but instead joined up with the Warner Chilcott pharmaceutical company, where he was a salesman and eventually regional manager. He loved that job. He had to know as much as the doctors and pharmacists he visited and so he became quite the expert on health care. He also enjoyed sales. This was no Willy Loman-like existence, however. Gregarious and interested in others, he enjoyed talking to all manner of folks. But Dad’s life wasn’t grounded in worries about the next sale. Rather, it was grounded in something else altogether.
In 1954, Tom was at a party and met one Betty Ann Kelly, from the town of Wethersfield, CT. He was 29, she just 24. He was interested, she was not. He was persistent and eventually, having run out of excuses, she agreed to one – one – date.
It must have gone well. They married in June 1955.
They first lived on South Marshall Street in Hartford, where I was born. Soon after, they purchased a small red house on Wintonbury Avenue in Bloomfield and along came five more. Dad got a promotion, one that frequently brought him to the Boston area, so in spring 1964 they moved north to Needham, just outside of the city. Why Needham? They had toured a number of towns, evaluating them not by the quality of the housing stock or the lushness of their lawns, but rather by their churches – and in St Bartholomew’s Church and its elementary school, they felt they had found a place where their children could thrive.
It was tough leaving so many friends and relatives behind. It was tough too because, just as they were moving, two more – twins – were born. We moved without them, leaving them in a preemie unit in Hartford. A short while later, though, they showed up, the infants traveling in shoe boxes. But don’t worry. They were safe. The shoeboxes were on the floor, in the back seat of the car.
The births didn’t stop there. Two more came along and then, finally, with the arrival of Bridget in 1973, the Keanes were a baker’s dozen: mom, dad and 11 children.
Dad officially retired in 1987, but in truth he just embarked on another career – the task of raising not only his progeny but oftentimes, directly and indirectly, their progeny as well. He set great store on learning and was thrilled as all of his children went to college. He created the job of director of development at Catholic Memorial High School – the place where he sent all seven of his boys. He drove the Roche Brothers Shuttle Bus for the Needham Retirees at North Hill. He was a member of the Retired Men’s Glee Club.
He and my mom moved to Centerville in 2000 – he loved the Cape and frequently would say, “I can’t believe I get to live here”—and then, just last September, as managing a house by themselves became difficult, to Linden Ponds in Hingham.
Dad was a man of faith, not as a dogmatist but more in the mold of Pope Francis. He never forced his beliefs on others but rather simply lived his values: fairness, kindness, tolerance, and openness to change. This last was particularly striking. He lived through an era of extraordinary turmoil. But where some might cling to nostalgia and old prejudices, becoming crabby, negative and pessimistic, he was an optimist who embraced the new, be it change in our lives or change in our technology. It was always remarkable to me that, even as a man in his 80s, he could be so extraordinarily contemporary.
Dad had a curious and sharp mind. A student of politics, history and theology, he was an avid reader who discussed and debated the issues of the day. He loved the Daily Show, Stephen Colbert and (it pains me to say this) Rachel Maddow.
He was a nurturer who cared for his gardens like he cared for all he met – and he grew great tomatoes, as well. He carried a song in his heart and was always willing to share it, albeit sometimes without knowing all of the words.
He was a long-time smoker who, mercilessly harassed by his children, finally quit – but not before he’d managed to melt a few holes in the polyester suits he favored during the fashion challenged ‘70s.
He would bring us to McDonalds and purchase one burger for each kid, three containers of fries to share and one large orange soda – with many straws.
One summer he barely slept, lying in bed, a pillow speaker under his ear as he soaked in the season of the Impossible Dream, shouting when the Kardiac Kids pulled off yet another miracle win.
He loved to tell stories: the mysterious lady in white, the old lady who went to market in the middle of the night, leprechauns and their pots of gold.
His knees creaked when he walked upstairs. That’s how we knew to stop talking and at least pretend to sleep.
He had an exceptional way with animals – Towser, Beana, Dusty, Rex and a parakeet that he told us had decided it would prefer to live on a beautiful farm far, far away.
His was an idol to a very young Jimmy Lamort, who would follow him around the yard, toy mower mirroring every path cut by the real.
On Sundays he would take us to visit older relatives in Fall River, the Wards from his mother’s side, relatives that others might easily have forgotten.
He was a strikingly good artist, painting our windows for Christmas and able to draw almost anything. Every time we went to the beach we could find him in the sand, building extraordinary sculptures – a crocodile crawling out of the ocean, a person lying on the beach and innumerable fantastic sand castles.
He made the mundane fun. Every adventure started with, “How about we…” Shoveling snow. Walking a trail at a farm. And the excitement in his voice when he rousted us from Saturday morning cartoons because it was … time to go to the Dump.
Each Christmas Eve, he took the family caroling, at first startling the neighbors, then winning them over and eventually, getting them to join in. By the end, I think, there were so many caroling – and it didn’t matter your faith at all – that there was almost no one at home to listen.
On the 4th of July, he’d set up along the parade route, having posted uproute a fake sign with the Channel Four logo and the words, "Bands Start Playing Now." Most of the time it worked.
He wrote a song as each of his children was born; it was yours and yours only, even if the tune was borrowed from elsewhere.
And for those of you curious about his nickname: he earned it while we were on vacation in South Carolina. Somewhat jokingly, he reprimanded us for our casual demeanor to our elders, a far cry from the “Yes, Sir” and Yes, Ma’am” he heard from the children of the South. So, smart-alecks that we were, we got back at him, some of us – and I include myself in that – calling him and my mother nothing else except “Sir” or “Ma’am” from that point on Oftentimes we’d be at a restaurant, and waiter would come up and ask, “What would you like, Sir,” and I’d turn to him, astonished. “How did she know your name?”
I miss you, Sir.
The day after Dad died, the monthly unemployment report came out and it was good news and I found myself thinking I’d call him up, sure he’d want to exult that Obama was proving his critics wrong. I suspect all of us feel this way. We shared our lives with him. We still want to.
Family is what defined him. Certainly that meant his immediate family: his wife – my Mom, Betty Ann -- their children, their spouses and 33 incredible grandchildren. But it also meant the larger family, the human family, and the web of connections that bind us to each other. If I had to sum him up in just a few words, it would simply be this: Enjoy each other, be open to each other, forgive each other, like each other, love each other – as he did us.
Rest in peace, Sir.
Eulogy delivered Decmber 10, 2013.