Tom Keane

The Week That Was: Shutdowns, Speeches And Senselessness

It was the week when the Democrats forced the government to shut down and then caved because, as it turns out, they’re actually the ones who like government.

The power of prayer. The president asked the entire world to pray for Sophia Campa-Peters, a Texas girl having brain surgery at Boston Children’s Hospital. Hmmm. Maybe it would be better if they prayed the poor girl has health insurance so she can actually afford the procedure. In any event, I’m thinking the call to prayer isn’t going to help much. I know an awful lot of folks who have been praying for a year that Trump be impeached and, darn it, he’s still here. (And no disrespect to Sophia — if we’re going to get the entire world praying about something, how about focusing our efforts on North Korea’s nuclear program?)

Our man in Europe. Trump flew to Davos, Switzerland for the World Economic Forum where the topic is “Creating a Shared Future in Fractured World.” Wait a second? This is President “America First.” Shouldn’t the topic be renamed “Creating a Fractured World from a Shared Future”?  In any event, it’s yet another opportunity for the president to hobnob with world leaders. I’m betting they’ll dislike him just as much as they did at the last year’s summits for NATO, the G7 and the G20.

Silver lining. Trump’s Davos trip comes amid a new survey showing the United States has slipped in U.S. News’ “Best Countries” ranking, largely because of Trump’s erratic policies. We’re now eighth. First on the list is the place the president is visiting: Switzerland. Others ahead of the U.S. include Canada, Germany, the UK, Japan, Sweden and Australia. You may think our fall concerning, but look at it this way: Trump may be single-handedly solving the illegal immigration problem. There are so many better places folks might want to live.

Tree falls in the woods. No one around. No one noticed when Washington shut down last Saturday and Sunday. It seemed the only ones inconvenienced were bureaucrats who had to clear out their lunches from offices refrigerators. The rest of us just lived life as we normally do. Why? Because people don’t work on weekends anyway. So, could we do this every week and save 2/7ths of the national budget?

On the other hand, we are watching Netflix. The Oscar nominations were announced this week. It turns out few of us have actually seen the nominees for Best Picture: none are among the top 10 grossing films of 2017. I guess that means we – the general movie-going public – don’t understand art. Or maybe Hollywood just doesn’t make art we like to see.

Loopholes. An evangelist said Trump gets a “mulligan” on his affair with porn star Stormy Daniels. Really? God gives cheating men mulligans? That’s great. Here’s the problem: Significant others usually don’t.

GOP? What’s that? Massachusetts Gov. Charlie Baker gave his annual speech on the State of the Commonwealth address this week. In more than 3500 words, he somehow forgot to mention he was a Republican.

The anti-Trump. In his speech, Baker celebrated “bipartisan” virtues, talked about working closely with his “legislative colleagues” and “colleagues in local government,” extolled the value of fixing stuff and making government work and argued for “common decency in our debate and in our dealings with one another and the public.” Poor Baker – his future seems so limited. Doesn’t he know that politicians on the move need to attack their enemies, find wedge issues, and kill or be killed?

New clothes. The Zoots dry-cleaning chain suddenly closed, leaving folks unable to get access to clothing they had dropped off. People still dry clean? Haven’t they heard of permanent press? This is like the shuttering of the last typewriter repair shop. Sure, an era is passing. But honestly, you should just be using a word processor.

Dumb and dumber. Wentworth College felt compelled to warn its students not to participate in the “Tide pod challenge.” Why? Because eating Tide pods will kill you. This latest social media fad raises the obvious question: Is there any stupid thing that teens and college students won’t do? How about the swallow-the-4x8 challenge? The doused-with-gasoline-and-light-a-match challenge? Oh no. By merely mentioning these, I fear I may have started something.

This column was first published by Cognoscenti on January 26, 2018.

The Week That Was: Curses, Crises And Coughs

It was the week when Year One of the Trump presidency came to a close, and as Year Two began, we all thought, “Omigod, I’m not sure I can take any more of this!”

*&%!@. The sh*tstorm over Trump’s use of “sh*thole” (or was it “sh*thouse”) continued. Even those who denied, or just didn’t remember, the president’s specific words agreed there was “tough” language at last week’s meeting on immigration. “Tough,” in this case, is a euphemism for f-bombs, s-bombs and a whole lot of other four-letter words. It makes you long for a man like Mitt Romney. When it comes to language, the former Bay State governor and 2012 presidential nominee is a man of exceptional rectitude. “H-E-double hockey sticks” is about as far as he’ll go. Who knows. If Mitt was in the Oval Office maybe the policy positions would be the same, the compromises just as difficult to reach. But at least we could let our kids once again watch the news.

Look to the side and cough. The president’s doctor reported this week that Trump is overweight, doesn’t exercise and eats badly. So, except for being a billionaire, he’s just like the rest of us!

Brain games. As part of the president’s physical exam, his physician also administered a cognitive test. Those who can’t fathom Trump’s bizarre behaviors were hoping to learn that they were caused by dementia or a similar physical disorder. Nope. In fact, his brain is perfectly fine. That’s even scarier. The chaos, the inattention, the unpredictability: It’s all intentional.

Olympic harmony. Even as Hawaiians continued to reel from the trauma of a possible missile strike — a false alarm, as it turned out — the prospects of nuclear confrontation diminished. Why? Because the North Koreans are going to the Winter Olympics. They’re even going to march with the South Koreans! The international event seems to be having its intended salubrious effect: Promoting cooperation and goodwill among nations. Hawaiians and the rest of the United States can breathe a bit easier. That is, unless the North Koreans lose.

At least the caddy is happy. The president spent Martin Luther King Jr. Day golfing at his Mar-a-Lago resort. That prompted a raft of criticism. Why can’t he go shopping like the rest of us?

Furlough time. The impending crisis of the week was the possibility of a government shutdown. These kinds of threats happen pretty regularly. For a long time, the GOP was the culprit. This time, it’s less clear who will get the blame: maybe the Democrats, maybe the president. The political risk is high. The last actual shutdown was in 2013 and polls at the time showed it was wildly unpopular with voters, who just didn't think it was a good way to negotiate. It isn’t. If a shutdown happens and Democrats get the blame – and I think they will — the party may well be waving goodbye to its November electoral prospects.

Stool pigeon. Steve Bannon refused to answer questions posed to him by the House Intelligence Committee. So, he’ll talk his mouth off to an author but he won’t say a word when under subpoena? Yes — and apparently he kept quiet simply because the White House asked him to. Someone, somewhere, at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue must be thinking: If only we’d asked a year ago.

Amazon obsessed. Boston was thrilled when General Electric named the city its new corporate headquarters. Now the conglomerate looks like it’s falling apart. It’s an important lesson. Businesses rise and fall. Good economic policy encourages all business, without playing favorites. That observation should in turn raise doubts about Boston’s newest infatuation: Being named Amazon’s second headquarters, dubbed HQ2. Yes, we’ve just been shortlisted. And yes, Amazon seems a powerhouse. Ten years from now? It could be gone. Just ask AOL, AltaVista, Netscape, Myspace, Napster, Pets.com, Yahoo ….

Patsies for the Pats? And finally, after watching the arrogant and overconfident Pittsburgh Steelers lose on Sunday, New Englanders spent the week talking about how strong the Jacksonville Jaguars are, how they’re the toughest team the Patriots will ever face, how motivated they are, and … ah, who are we kidding?

This column was first published by Cognoscenti on January 19, 2018.

 

The Week That Was: Bannon Booted, Lies And Libel And Distraught With Dunkin’

It was the week when we all decided we’d prefer as president one television personality with no political experience over another television personality with no political experience.

Wicked Smaht. Amid questions about Trump’s cognitive abilities, the president tweeted that he was “a very stable genius.” Y’know, if you have to tell people you’re a genius, you probably aren’t. Kind of like the folks who join Mensa — what they’re really proving to us is that they’re insecure. Still, my guess is that Friday’s physical exam of Trump at Walter Reed — his first since taking office — will conclude he’s in good shape. Trump’s goofy behavior, inattention and flights of fancy aren’t markers of some sort of decline. They’re just part and parcel of who he is.

Congress in charge. The president responded to “Fire and Fury,” Michael Wolff’s book about Trump’s chaotic first year, by doing something truly unexpected: Acting presidential. On Tuesday he met with members of Congress and talked immigration reform, winning praise for appearing calm, engaged and focused. Good show! Except people at the meeting walked away with no better sense of what the White House wanted. Indeed, it’s not clear Trump wants anything. “When this group comes back with an agreement … I’m signing it,” he said. “I will be signing it. I’m not gonna say, ‘Oh, gee, I want this or I want that.’ I’ll be signing it.” Apparently, what really excites him about the job is getting to write his name.

Believe me. The president told a Cabinet meeting that the nation’s libel laws were “a sham and a disgrace.” Hmm. This is an old Trump complaint — throughout his career he has many times sued his enemies for libel (and has lost all of them). Not only that, but Trump gives as good as he gets. Remember, “How low has President Obama gone to tap my phones during the very sacred election process” — itself an obvious libel. So yeah, perhaps the libel laws are weak. But instead of being outraged, maybe Trump should be grateful.

Exit, Evil. Steve Bannon completed the final steps of his public disgrace. It began in August when he was fired from the White House, deepened when his support of Alabama’s Roy Moore handed a sure-red Senate seat to the Democrats and ended with his ouster this week from Breitbart News. So, is Bannon done — off the national stage forever? Not likely. His mistake was in trying to become an insider, something for which he’s completely constitutionally unsuited. Bannon is the ultimate outsider, an apocalyptic (and sometimes apoplectic) firebrand who stokes controversy and galvanizes crowds. Don’t expect a chastened Bannon to don a coat-and-tie, shave and comb his hair. The Mercers may no longer back him, but others will. And ultimately, maybe even Trump himself. After all, Bannon’s supporters are Trump’s supporters.

Good cop, bad cop. For the first time in a long time, North and South Korea are talking. The North has agreed to participate in the Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang. And it’s very possible that further discussions could lead to some sort of military stand-down or de-nuclearization. Why is this all happening now? Perhaps Trump’s irrational and provocative behavior towards the North is driving it into the arms of its more conciliatory neighbor. Was this all part of his master plan?

Watching you. A highly classified spy satellite was lost when the SpaceX rocket it was on failed. The bad news is the feds lost billions of dollars. The good news is that we all have another year or two of relative privacy before the satellite’s successor finally makes orbit.

Charlie 2020. A new WBUR poll found that Governor Charlie Baker continues to enjoy sky-high approval ratings from Massachusetts voters: 74 percent. Trump, not surprisingly, fares far worse, at 29 percent. Assuming Baker wins re-election later this year — and his numbers suggest he will, soundly — his popularity raises the obvious question: What’s next? Could he somehow win back the Republican party that Trumpism captured in 2016?

The world turned upside down. And finally, it’s hard to believe this is even a news story. Dunkin’ Donuts announced it is changing its menu, dropping a number of long-time items in favor of a simpler lineup so stores can provide “faster, more accurate service.” Big deal. North Korea is brandishing nukes and we’re worried about … wait, what? You say the Big N’ Toasted is gone?

This column was first published by Cognoscenti on January 12, 2018.

The Week That Was: Big Buttons, New Year’s Numbing And Mitt On The Move

It was the week when we figured out that one of Donald Trump’s New Year’s resolutions was definitely not to become more presidential.

Looks like it wasn’t a good week off. The president returned from vacation and unleashed a slew of tweets at a host of enemies. In particular, he taunted Kim Jong-un, bragging that his nuclear button was bigger than Kim’s nuclear button. Perhaps. Or maybe Trump just has smaller hands.

DC soap opera. Just-released excerpts from writer Michael Wolff’s forthcoming book on Trump’s first year show a bizarre president out of his depth, a White House in disarray and a host of characters more interested in attacking one another than running the country. It’s delicious, gossipy stuff. But tales of palace intrigue — as fun as they are to read — don’t usually end up changing palace life. And in this case, the book is less revelatory than it is confirmation of something we, unhappily, already knew.

White House psychiatrist. Trump ripped into Steve Bannon after his comments in Wolff’s piece, saying he was “out of his mind.” Bannon responded by saying Trump was “a great man,” which, I guess, kind of proves Trump’s point.

Boom. Sure, things are looking bad for Trump right now. Even his own daughter is mocking his hair. On the other hand, the Dow this week hit 25,000. If the economy continues to perform as investors are thinking, no one will be caring that Trump had scalp reduction surgery, won’t let anyone touch his toothbrush and thinks McDonald’s is a sure-fire way to avoid being poisoned.

Sen. Good Hair. Sen. Orrin Hatch announced he was retiring, instantly making former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney a favorite to be Utah’s next senator. No question, Romney will have a high profile — he was, after all, the GOP’s presidential nominee in 2012. But what kind of profile? His political vacillations while governor and as nominee have been much noted. And his take on Trump varies too. He brutally took him down during the campaign. And then sucked up when it seemed like he might become secretary of state. Given his popularity in Utah, he’ll be able to do whatever he wants. But what no one really knows is: What does Mitt want.

Also known as a blizzard. A week’s worth of brutal cold culminated in a storm that weather forecaster called a “bombogenesis.” A weather bomb? What’s that, you ask? It’s what we used to call a “Nor’easter.” But apparently that plain vanilla term just won’t do anymore. We need a word that is more exciting, thrilling and super scary. Plus, it gives us the possibility of blaming something else on ISIS.

Anecdotal science. Trump seized upon that bitter cold to raise doubts about global warming. What an idiot! Doesn’t he know that one or two meteorological events don’t tell us anything meaningful about something as complicated as the long-term patterns of Earth’s weather? Although, come to think of it, that’s what we all did last fall, claiming the spate of hurricanes were proof of climate change. OK. Hypocrisy noted.

Rich and poor. On New Year’s Day, Marty Walsh was sworn in to his second term as mayor and took the opportunity to advocate for making Boston a place where middle-class folks could live. Good luck with that. Last year, 5,000 new homes were built in the city — 1,000 of which are restricted to those with lower incomes. The rest? All luxury housing. So where exactly are these middle-class families supposed to live? Answer: Quincy.

Last ditch effort. Paul Manafort sued Robert Mueller and the Justice Department, saying their indictment of him “had no connection whatsoever to the 2016 presidential election or even to Donald Trump.” True enough. But they do give Mueller an opportunity to squeeze Manafort for information on Trump – and if the lawsuit doesn’t succeed (and it probably doesn’t) they’ll be able to squeeze even harder.

Feds rule, potheads drool. And finally, Attorney general Jeff Sessions is ending Obama’s hands-off marijuana policy, meaning it’ll now be up to locals to decide whether to allow legalized weed to flourish. Andrew Lelling, U.S. attorney for Massachusetts, seems no fan of pot. So you know that cannabis café you were hoping would pop up just down the street? Don’t count on it.

This column was first published by Cognoscenti on January 5, 2018.